Funny Sex jokes - Entertainment - http://maxpages.com/smoochy/Funny_Sex

100 Miles an Hour

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While
driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If
I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?"

She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer
hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her
clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives
off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear
without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend
are trapped in the car. "Go get help.", he pleads.

She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."

He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says,
"Cover your snatch with that and go get help."She takes
the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station
down the road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells
to the attendant, "HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch
and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."

**************************************************

Jamaica Trip

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first
class section. The stewardess tells her she must move
to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, and I have
a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach
Jamaica."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the
woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart,
I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until
we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what
to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers
seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.

The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her
ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in
the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot
what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies,
"I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going
to Jamaica".

*****************************************************

Condoms

This guy went into a pharmacy to buy some condoms. The
only problem was that he didn't know what size to buy
because he'd never done it before. He went up to a
cashier, who happened to be a beautiful blonde and said,
"Excuse me, Miss, I need to purchase some condoms, but
I don't know what size to get." So the blonde said,
"Alright, come here," and proceeded to reach into his
pants and feel around for a while... Then she reached
for her loud speaker, and said, "Hey, Sid, I need a
box of large condoms in isle 3!!" So the guy took his
condoms and left.

A couple of hours later, another man came in with the
same problem. He went up to the blonde, and said, "I
need to buy a box of condoms, but I don't know what
size." So she took him aside, and the next thing he
knows, she's shouting, "Hey, Sid, I need a box small
condoms in isle 3!!" into her loudspeaker. The guy,
embarrassed as hell, took his condoms and left.

A couple of hours later a kid about 16 years old walked
into the pharmacy, also looking to buy a box of condoms.
He didn't know what size to buy so he walked up to the
blonde, and told her his problem. Sighing she said,
"Alright, come here and let me see what you got." So
he walked over to her, and she started to feel around.
With a smirk, she reached over to her loud speaker,
and shouted, "Hey, Sid, clean up in isle 3!!"

*******************************************
Join the Church

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple
and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new
parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for
two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were
you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations!
Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two
weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The
second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple
of nights but, yes we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for
the two weeks," the young man replied.

"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf
and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I
was over come with lust and took advantage of her right
there."

"You understand of course, this means you will not be
welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's OK," said the young man, "We're not welcome
at Safeway anymore either."
>>

PLEASE For my site ( Click Below )

http://www.maxpages.com/vote.cgi?site=smoochy&pg=Home

Sm00chy99@aol.com

Visitors: 19850

Page Updated Sun Jun 27, 1999 11:13pm EDT