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 There was this guy called Rami, he used to go to a Restaurant. And everyday he asked for 1,000,000 meals of shit and chicken. Of course they didn't serve him the shit and chicken. So one day the owner of the Restaurant thought if he can make these meals he would become rich, so he worked on them for like a mounth. Days passed and Rami came, and he also asked for the 1,000,000 meals of shit and chicken, so the owner told him just a second and we will bring all the 1,000,000 meals of shit and chicken for you. Rami said "No i don't want them, but i was just wondering how are you gonna serve them". A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You *astard!" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack, and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!" A mother and her young daughter were riding in a cab around New York. The daughter sees scantily clad women loitering on a street corner. "What are they doing, mommy?" she askes. "They are waiting for thier husbands to come home from work." the mother replies. "Oh, come on, lady," the cabbie interjected, "Tell her the truth. They are hookers!" After a stunned silence, thr little girl piped up, "Mommy, do hookers have children?" "Of course, where do you think cabbies come from?" A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time. He has no time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going. The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of interrogation, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman! The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there is this emergency he must take care of. So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman. She protests! The lawyer explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover. Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it. She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps, and finally, two splashes. The maid comes back to the phone. The lawyer asks, "Did you kill them?" "Yes," she replies. The lawyer questions her again, "What did you do with the bodies?" "I threw them in the pool,'' she responds. There is a brief pause from the lawyer. He asks her, "Did you say the pool?" "Yes! I threw them in the pool!" she says. "Uh..., is this 555-8234?" A teacher was working with her pupils, trying tobroaden their horizons through sensory perception. One day, she brought in rolls of lifesavers of all flavors.. "Children," she announced, passing out the lifesavers, "I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these and then tell me what they are." The kids managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, every one of the kids was stumped. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher.. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time." Instantly, one of the kids nearly gagged and hollered, "Spit 'em out, guys! They're assholes!" Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a parachute jumper? A: One sais "Whack.......damn", the other says "Damn......whack" A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead. "Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet.Isn't there anything else you can do?" The vet paused for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do." He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage. "Well, that confirms it." the vet announced. "Your dog is dead." Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?" "That will be $330." the vet replied. "I don't believe it!", screamed the woman. "What did you do that cost $330????" "Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan." Harry had a bit of a drinking problem. Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole, and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition. ÊHis wife heard him at the door, quickly went to it, opened the door, and let Harry in. This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?" At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!" |
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