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BEATEN BLIND

He decides what clothes I wear,
If it wee up to him I'd have no hair.
I'd be looked up alone in the house,
But I can't leave him, he's my spouse.

He makes me wash, cook and clean,
Some things I do are just obsence.
He hides my make-up and accessories too,
And if I wear them he'll beat me blue.

I feel so alone, I have no life,
I didn't realise he'd be so much strife.
So how could I ever put this to an end,
If he doesn't allow me to have one friend.

I simply have no where to go,
I try to get him to change, but he says 'No'
I thought about dying and freeing my soul,
As this constant abuse has taken it's tole.

I am weak and just can't let go,
But I really want the world to know.
Please don't let your love control your mind,
Because love has beaten me truly blind.

Nichola Firth
Feb '99

Our Little secret

Why does he make me do it?
He knows I’m under age.
Its not just that, he's family,
If I say no he gets in a rage.

I try to fight him off,
I struggle, full of tears,
He says it’s our little secret,
He’s been doing this for years.

The pain is unbearable,
Sometimes I find it hard to walk,
He even gives me bruises,
If I am noisy or talk.

I want to tell my mum,
Maybe he can make him go,
But then he will come after me,
He says he needs me so.

Nichola Firth
23.3.99

Eating is a sin

Food, I really hate the stuff,
The smell alone makes me gyp.
I’m far too fat and ugly to eat,
There’s 1000’s of calories in each chip.

My stomach and cheeks are really drawn in,
But not far enough.
My legs are too chubby and wide,
My face, I refuse to stuff.

Admit I have a problem?
A problem, I see non-.
I’m just big and ugly,
My appetites just gone.

I just want to be skinny,
Thin and pretty too.
No one will like me like this,
It’s what I want to do.

Nobody can stop me!
You can never be too thin.
Being sick is easy,
Eating is a sin.

Nichola Firth
12.01.99

Sorry!

You died when you were only young,
I didn't have the time.
To watch you while you went and slept,
To cuddle you when you whine.

And now your gone, what can i do?
But wish i could turn back the clock.
I didn't mean to hurt you,
To me, you meant a lot.

As you laid dead in your cradle,
I cried a million tears.
I loved you more than anything,
You were worth all my fears.

I'm sorry you had to go my love,
I do anything for you back.
I prey that you are happy now,
Laid buried in a sack.

Nichola Firth
24.11.98

SUICIDE NOTE

Sorry! For all i've done,
I won't get in your way.
and by the time you read this,
On my death bed i'll lay.

I'm worthless and lonely,
So i think this is for the best.
I needed to kill myself,
and put myself at rest.

Not like anyone will care,
Or anyone will bother.
I was just a silly kid,
who was hated by his mother.

I do not want a funeral,
Don't go the expense.
Just chuck me away in the rubbish,
You know that it makes sense.

Give all my stuff to the poor,
and burn all the pictures of me.
I don't want anyone to know,
That i've been so cowardly.

Nichola Firth
24.11.98

Selfish - Sequel to ‘Suicide Note’

Why did you take your life?
Did I do anything wrong.
Don’t you know you have taken a part of me?
For heavens sake I’m your mom.

You’re the only thing I wanted.
You were my life’s only goal.
How dare you go and take it,
You were my life, My soul.

We all miss you dearly,
How could you be so cruel?
Didn’t you think I loved you?
I know life is s duel.

You took away my happiness,
My heart you broke in two.
What could make you do this?
What made you feel so blue?

I just hope you’re out there,
And your pain has gone away,
If I knew I could have helped you,
It didn’t have to be this way.

Nichola Firth 8.1.98

*Death penalty*

I know that you are dying,
I know that you aren’t well.
I really want to help you,
But I’ll surely go to hell.

Your not supposed to do this,
I heard it’s against the law,
I really want to help you.
But I don’t understand what for.

Why should I have the honours,
Why not go to someone else?
A doctor or a nurse maybe,
I don’t want this on my conscious,

I love you dearly and know you’re in pain,
But why do you want to die,
I know you’re just a vegetable,
But alive on that bed you lye.

Please don’t make me do this,
Please just hold your breath,
I don’t want the responsibility,
Of putting someone to death.

Nichola Firth

WAR

Bombs drop on our town,
All the people stand and frown.
You can hear them all through the night,
I huddle in a corner frozen with fright.
The lights have gone out, it's a power cut.
I cover my ears and my eyes are held shut.
I here the sirens, I hear a crash.
I here a whimper and then a splash.
I feel for mother, I cry here name.
I feel a warm puddle, the war is to blame.
I sit and weep all through the night.
Holding my mother's body tight.
Then I prey for all my friends,
As my world comes to an end.

Nichola Firth

DEVILS KISS

Steel, Metal, Sharp
Release my pain.
Everything to gain,
Blood red sins poor out of me.

The throbbing feels good,
Wanting more.
Cutting deeper,
Feeling weaker.

Feeling faint,
Love this game.
Deserving this,
Devils kiss.

Nichola Firth
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Page Updated Thu Apr 29, 1999 6:39am EDT