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| INTRODUCTION Now here begins the story of Muffy Winters, and here continues what was as disastrous ending to Buffy the vampire slayer. As most of you Buffy fans would like to believe that she is immortal, she is but a human being. This is a fictional version of the continuance of Buffy with a new slayer, a new watcher, new friends and new arch nemesis’s. (Thank god for spell check). First let me tell you how Buffy died. (This didn’t actually happen on the show. I made it up. I will not tell you how old she was when it happened. Why? Because it gives me power over you, over all of you!!!! Broo HAHAHAHA!!! Okay so anyway… here we go.) Willow- The hedgehogs! They’re everywhere! How do we kill them? Buffy- I don’t know! Jiles didn’t have enough time to figure it out! They’re all going crazy! There are too many and they’re too small!! Try to use your telekinesis! W- I can’t! There are too many!! B- Where’s Xander when you need him? Or even Anya! Or Spike even! W- They’re closing in on us! Buffy what do we do? Buffy? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! B-Willow! NOO!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! And so ends Buffy. Who would of thought she would have to end in such a horrible and embarrassing way? On any account, Jiles, Xander, Anya, and Spike all moved on with their lives and left to go live there own lives, too sad to live in the whirlpool of painful memories and evil. And so starts Muffy the Evil Monster Slayer!! Episode 1- Tanner, and you thought he couldn’t get worse! Muffy scans the graveyard. Nothing. Another bland and boring night. Even though she just started out slaying, she was familiar with every aspect of the graveyard, including its annoying inhabitants. A rustle in the bushes startles her and her senses become more alert than usual. Muffy- Tanner? Is that you? Polo- it’s Polo, love, and don’t ever confuse us again. Not with that half-wit anyway. (he leaned against a tree. Muffy looked him over again. His English accent and dark clothes gave a mysterious look, while his short golden curly hair and white skin contrasted and made him look devilish.) Muffy approaches him in the dark, with Mr. Sharpy (her favorite steak) there to protect her and hopefully kill him. P- you honestly think you are gonna kill me with that little thing? (Muff approaches him, the tip pointing forward.) Whoa! Back off, okay? I won’t bite…well maybe. M-oops’! I dropped it. Oh well, I’ll beat you without Mr. Sharpy. WIT FIGHT!! P- loser! M- I’m the loser? P- yes you are. M- only losers get their names from killing people with polo sticks, by the way didn’t you do that? P- that was a long time ago, and I like my name. At least I don’t "play" with sticks for fun. M- PFFT! Unlike someone who plays with their own for fun? P- I do not! (cough cough) M- I think we both know who won this one. P- I’ll get you Muffy if it’s the last thing I do! (he runs down the rows of graves, evilly(is that a word, and yes I know it doesn’t make sense), to his home in the crypt not too far away. The+next+day (Jillian, Muffys watcher and Janitor of Sunny Dale High starts to talk with her amusing english accent) Jillian- Muffy, you Tanner and Ember will patrol tonight. I heard about some insane raccoons running free in the parks. This will be the hardest thing we’ve ever been up against and it won’t be easy. Tanner- it’ll be the only thing we’ve ever been up against. Do I have a great bod or what! SEXY BOD!! Ember- well… what was I gonna say? (She stares nonchalantly at Tanner) Muffy- snap out of it! Tanner quit staring at yourself. And Ember shame on you! That’s just gross! J- back to business. Tanner and Ember will get Sunny Park while Muffy, you’ll get the cemetery. M- why do I have to get the cemetery? J- because all shows like this expect you to have a battle in the cemetery. It’s a given that some sort of evil will procure inside of one or at least end up in there.(every body for no reason turns to look at Tanner, who admires himself in a mirror, as if posing for Vogue. Puzzled, they turn their attention back to Jillian.) M- where did that mirror come from? J- I’m not quite sure… M- well I gotta go. I have to go make my hair perfect and wear something nice before going into battle. T- me too! No, who am I kidding? I’m already perfect! Wasn’t there something important I had to tell you all that could possibly save you all the trouble of going out tonight that happened to me? Oh well. Later+at+Sunny+Park E- oh Tanner!! Stop it!! (moaning in the backround) T- what’s that? E- I thought it was us making out? T- no, because I am a gentleman with no intentions of embarrassing you by making out in public. (laughter in backround) E- come on let’s start looking around for clues. Tanner? T- AHHHHH!! RUN! IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN! E- OH MY GOD IS THAT YOU TANNER? T- YES! IT’S TRUE! I AM A WERE-RACCOON! ONE OF THEM BIT ME YESTERDAY BUT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU! E-HOW COULD YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT!! T- MY BOD IS SO HOT!! IT’S TOO DISTRACTING!! E- WHY ARE WE TALKING IN CAPITAL LETTERS? T- BECAUSE THE INSTINCT I RECEIVED FROM THE RACCOONS IS GOONA MAKE ME VICIOUSLY ATTACK YOU AND YOU ARE AFRAID! E- MAKES SENSE! T- RUNNNNN!! E- OKAY, JUST LET ME TIE MY SHOELACE. T- OKAY….(humming the "short-shorts" song) E- DONE! T- OKAY NOW RUNNNNNNNN!!!!!! Ember runs to the cemetery, found conveniently beside the park. M- I’ll protect you! HIYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! CHOPSUEY!! POW! BANG! SMASHY SMASHY!! Later+at+Jillians J- well we will have to keep him in his cage until the full moon pases. E- where did you get that cage? J- don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to know the answers to. And so ends the first episode of "Muffy the Evil Monster Slayer!" Mysterious Voice - so what did you think Muff? M- I need a guy sidekick I can fight evil with and make out with. MV- the sidekick we had lined up broke his leg. You’ll have to wait another two months M- who is this anyway? MV-wouldn’t you like to know BROO HAHAHA!!! (evil laughter goes on and on and on…) MV- where’d everyone go? Hello? Bloody hell! M- is that you Polo? MV- crap (he slowly inches away from Muffy, out of the blank screen into nothingness.) M- was that Polo? Why am I still here? Writer, why are you still writing? My head hurts. I need some ad- THE END (take that Mrs. Big!!) |
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