Kevin Maguire
Crab Infested Psycho
Everyone hates me for no reason.


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Hi !!!
I'm Kevin Maguire!!!
My name is Kevin Maguire.
I grew up in Winsted Connecticut.
People also hate my guts in
Southeastern Mass and the
Providence RI area.
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I had a pretty normal homelife as a kid.
I played with dolls, pulled the wings off flies
and tortured small animals for fun.

At school I was chased and beaten up
everyday for being such a loser and
cry-baby and psycho.

Every day after school, on the ride
home in the schoolbus I had to give
head to all the 3rd grade bullies in
the back of the bus.

By the time I was in the 6th grade
the bullys from the 4th grade were
making me blow them too, on the way to
school ... and taking my lunch money.
The girls used to beat me up a lot.

At home, I would try to tell my father
about it and beg him to put a stop to
it but he was usually drunk and would
make me blow him too.

Every night I would cry myself to sleep.
My brothers would get all pissed off and
they would all make me blow them too.

It was hard for me. I got very little sleep
and had to get up early so I could hang
my pissy sheets out to dry on the
front porch and then have to give Mommy
her daily sponge bath out in the front yard.

*******************************************

Mommy is a special lady.
She weighs 600 pounds and is confined
24 hours a day to a special potty chair
on wheels. It's always parked in front of the
refrigerator, next to the microwave oven.
All she does is eat and shit and eat and shit.
Well, you get the picture.

Junior high school was like a vacation for me.
No more mean 3rd and 4th graders.

I spent most of the 7th and 8th grades
crammed inside a locker.
All day, every day
When the other kids passed by they
would all kick and punch the locker.

I made it thru Junior High but almost
did not pass. Luckily I struck a deal
with the principal.
If I blew him and all the other male
teachers, including the janitor, I would
get a passing D grade.

High school was more of the same.
By then most of the boys stopped
making me blow them.
They would fuck me instead.

*******************************************

Prom night was the highlight of my senior year.
Mommy says that Girls are the Devil.
I never had a steady girl, except for Mommy.
I paid the town slut (my sister) to go to my
prom with me.
She said OK but no kissing.

I made up a joke and went around to
every person and told it to them.
Ok, here it is.....
I would point at their plate of food and say,
Are you gonna finish that?
HAHAHAHA It was so funny!

When the band played, I danced the
1st dance with my date.
She disappeared soon afterwards.

Later, a circle of boys were in the middle
of the dance floor clapping and cheering.
I pushed thru to see what was going on.
There, in the center of it all, was my sister,
laying on her back, her dress up around
her neck and her ankles
behind her ears and no panties.
At first I thought she was break dancing
but as it turned out,
she was just looking for a date!

After the dance was over, she left with
the football, basketball, hockey and swim
teams.

I went around and
cleaned all the plates off into a
huge Hefty bag.
Mommy said to bring her back a
doggie bag and this would
hold her over till breakfast.

*******************************************

A few years later I moved from my
parents house.
I had come home one day and the
locks were changed.

I moved around a lot.
Sleeping in my car and making
new friends at all the local shelters
and free clinics.

I decided I was gay because girls
all hated me.
Luckily for me I had a lifetime full
of experience and practice giving
head and getting cornholed.

I became an alcoholic and drug addict.
The voices in my head told me to drink... A LOT!
I am a pathological liar too.
I can suck down a bottle of Southern Comfort
and breathe it all over you, then look you in
the eye and swear I had not touched a drop.
If I believed I was fooling you, then you must
not smell it, right?

*******************************************

I wanted to live the simple life. No more luxuries!
I threw away my toothbrush and stopped using
toilet paper. I picked up a few odd jobs here and there
but they never lasted. I alway seemed to get accused
of being high, drunk or dirty. I had a bad time keeping a
place to live too. I guess I was unlucky that way.
It's THEM though, not ME!!!

I'm always around people who accuse me of stuff I was
innocent of, like stealing from them, drinking, doing
drugs or sitting in my room alone crying and talking to
myself. Or sitting in my room alone, laughing and
talking to myself.

I can't tell you how many former roomates
spread the vicious rumor that I infested thier
homes with crab lice.
I never had crabs! uh-uh, not me!
Everyone lies about me!

I got a job one time at a Gay Bath House.
All I had to do was change dirty sheets,
do laundry and pick up used rubbers.
I got fired because they said I kept
coming to work drunk and for starting
fights with all my co-workers.
I don't know why they thought that!
I was too busy doing coke and having
unprotected sex with the customers!

Everyone lies about me!
They're all against me!

One guy, Chris, offered to let me rent
a couple of freshly painted rooms in his
house. I got kicked out of there
because, uh, he said, I snuck a cat in,
was pissing in bottles and dumping them
out the front window, stole from him and
infested his place with crabs.

I got even with him.
I stole , um, he said I stole
a bunch of stuff and trashed his
house when I left.

I lived in Columbia TN with another
total loser Marjorie Astrofsky.
That didn't last too long tho.
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In less than 3 months,
at least a half dozen people wanted to kill me.

I came crawling back to Providence Rhode Island.
A little while later I thought I saw Chris' car
and keyed it and smashed all the windows on it.
As it turns out, it was the wrong car.
Well, actually I, um, didn't do it... um, someone
SAID I did it. Now there are some real dangerous
people looking for me there too.

*******************************************

I go to AA now, usually half in the bag.
If someone asks me why my breath smells
like booze, I tell them it's an herbal mouthwash.
When it looks like they are getting too suspicious,
I change the subject and make up
some crazy stories to get them to feel
sorry for me....
Like I got raped by some Colombian drug dealers.
You know, something believable like that.

I am a total spaz.
I can't tell fantasy from reality.
Everyone lies about me.
No one understands me except Mommy.
She's my special girl.


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Page Updated Mon Dec 3, 2007 2:13am EST