RULES!!!! - Personal - http://maxpages.com/justsum1/Rules

OFFICE WISDOM

If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

BEDROOM GOLF RULES

1.Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

2.The play on a course must be approved by the owner of the
hole.
3.Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and the balls out of the hole.

4.For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before the play begins.

5.Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage of the hole.

6.The object of the game is to take as many strokes as
necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is
complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied
permission to play the course again.

7.It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well-formed bunkers.

8.Players are cautioned not to mention other courses that they have played in the past or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

9.Players should assure themselves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being
played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they thought to be a private course.

10.Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

11.Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.

12.Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the owner's request.

13.It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

14.The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player. Players are advised to think twice to consider
membership at given course. Additional assessments may be
levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play at several different courses. However, players should be further advised that this may subject them from losing privileges at one or all courses, should it become known to course owners that multiple membership privileges are being exercised.

RULES OF THE LAB

1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.

2. Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.

3. First draw your curves, then plot your data.

4. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.

5. A record of data is essential, it shows you were working.

6. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

7. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.

8. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.

9. If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle.

10. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

11. Do not believe in miracles---rely on them.

12. Team work is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.

13. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.

14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.(Law of Spontaneous Fission)

THE FIVE MAXIMS OF MAKING EXCUSES

1) The feebleness or banality of an excuse should never be a deterrent to its use.

2) Always put the blame on something that can't defend itself. Children,pets, inanimate objects, and relatives living in foreign countries make perfect scapegoats.

3) Whine convincingly.

4) Certain ailments work better than others as excuses. No doctor or machine in the world can prove that you don't have that headache.

5) Try to remember that nature allotted each of us only _two_grandmothers to attend funerals for.

PROCRASTINATORS CREED

You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in propoartion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to recieve from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possiblity for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truely believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

10. I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

MOM'S RULES

1.Mom always makes the rules.

2.Mom is the absolute authority ... (just don't tell Dad).

3.Unless you have a doctor's note, you will sit down and eat with the rest of the family.

4.When going somewhere, you will always take your little sister/brother with you.

5.Mom will *never* comment on your friend's hair, posture, grammar or outfit ... (until after they've left the house).

6.It's Mom's job to tell your friends (and complete strangers) about all the embarrassing things you've ever done.

7.All relatives will get family news by calling CMN (Calling Mom's Number).

8.The silent treatment from the Mom indicates a need for a gift, a card, an apology or all three.

9.Mom will always let you make your own decision - provided it's sensible ... (and the same as hers).

10.If your father wanted to know, he'd ask.

ICQ ME 24345339

just_sum_one@hotmail.com

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Page Updated Wed Sep 15, 1999 3:38am EDT