| "ILLUSIONARY PASSIONS" |
By: Barbara Read
Hello Everyone,
This webpage is about a Book called "Illusionary Passions" that everyone should read!!!
It is meant for everyone, especially for those who may be thinking about a future relationship! By reading real life stories about everyday people, you will begin to see the pain and suffering you might experience from making the wrong decisions without really realizing the outcome. These compassionate people have come forward to tell their stories, so that you will be able to protect your relationship and family from destruction. The response to "Illusionary Passions" has been overwhelmingly positive and is easy to relate to in your life.
For more information on how to purchase a book or a CD  please goto this website:
www.illusionarypassions.vstorereading.com
The following is an outline of the business plan objectives for "Illusionary Passions":
Target Population
Adults of all ages struggle with their commitment to marriage and/or relationships. This book will target the partner that is considering an affair, or is already caught up in one. Many people struggle with their desire to experience the intense euphoria of a new love, while knowing that there is still value in the present relationship.
The potential reader is anyone who is experiencing frustration and boredom at home to those already in a physical affair, an affair with their work, or even an affair with alcohol or drugs. This type of person starts to think that by leaving their spouse, they will be lead to a better way of life. They know their leaving will cause some damage to those around them, but because their feelings are so powerful, they do not comprehend the extent of the destruction and pain ahead.
A target audience will be psychologists, therapists, pastors or ministers, and social workers for use in counseling. This book will be a helpful resource to their clients.
Mission Statement and Introduction
I am committed to record a variety of true personal stories from persons who have experienced extramarital affairs and lived to regret them. For the past 20 years, through personal contact with friends, associates, and relatives I have heard hundreds of stories about affairs of all kinds. I find one common denominator among them. It is that the person feels that this intense connection he or she is experiencing is unique, and they are the only one who has felt this way.
The euphoria is like a drug. They feel that this new connection allows them to finally become the person they really are. The feeling is so powerful that they become convinced that though they may still feel affection for the original partner, they are no longer in love with him or her. In order to justify this, they become more and more critical of the original partner. And the vicious cycle begins.
My book will give people an opportunity to learn from the stories of others.
It will give those embarking on this kind of deceitful adventure the ability to understand the full ramifications of their behavior or actions. They will have a better idea of potential outcomes and the impact their actions will have on others or themselves.
Goal
To help stop the epidemic of extramarital affairs by exposing the reality of an unknown outcome and make people aware of the threats they bring on themselves by challenging the sacred covenant of marriage.
ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Please contact me at the email address below for a copy of my book called
"Illusionary Passions".
Also, please feel free to share your story with us here at Illusionary Passions. We understand what it is like to be a victum of the Invisible drug-like state of Illusionary Passions. By sharing your story you will help others find there way or contact me for constructive advice!!!!!
Sincerely,
Barbara Read
The following store is an example of the first chapter in my book called
"Illusionary Passions". And following is the book recommendation by a member of the
Clergy that has used my stories to help relationships and marriages to bond.
(And don't forget to sign my gest book, Thank You)
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| ILLUSIONARY PASSIONS Sample Story |
Chad’s Story
“The Invisible Drug”
What did I know in my youth? After five years of dating, I had gotten my girlfriend pregnant. We were young but knew that we loved each other. Julie was a great girl. But, I just was not really ready to get married.
I was barely able to graduate with passing grades from high school and had no desire for college. Since I came from a family with nothing but financial insecurity, I was determined to work hard and make sure that didn’t happen to my family.
I was aware I had a roving eye and loved to look at other women. I had dated a few girls before I got married, but not enough. But I did the honorable thing and married my teenage girlfriend. Life went on. I had a sweet wife that adored me and was a great mother to our children.
Eventually I started a new restaurant business. I was flipping the hamburgers inside and Julie was outside delivering them to the waiting customers. We were a team and our hard work paid off. By the time I was twenty-six, I bought a nice home, drove a corvette and felt the thrill of fast motorcycles. But why was this restlessness growing inside me?
I felt a new sense of power from having money and the excitement of “having it all”! I was an easygoing guy who attended church every Sunday. I was always good to my wife. I never yelled at her or put her down and always came home to my loving family.
Though I was beginning to feel restlessness in my marriage, I still wanted to adopt a baby after four years of trying to have another. I was happy and looked forward to having another child. Looking back, maybe I should have stopped then and tried to figure out my restlessness and feelings of attraction to other women. It was like planting a little seed in my mind. The more I thought about other women the more the seed grew.
During the day, I found myself feeling these attractions, and soon they were entering into the fantasies of my dreams. To look at me you would have thought I was just an outgoing friendly guy, loving husband and boss. I justified that my small flirtatious acts were just normal and friendly behavior. I felt I made no suggestions that would qualify me as a cheat, just a little flirtatious.
After five years I felt a new confidence with my money, that the world was mine. During this time I found a new adrenalin rush. Besides fast cars and motorcycles, I began to sneak around with attractive women. At first, I felt the guilt of knowing this wasn’t right! But, I was not having sex with any of them - just some kissing and petting. What I didn’t realize at the time was the slow set up taking place. Because of my strong religious beliefs, the process just took a little longer.
By now, I felt like this new person who was strong and powerful both in work and in my personal life. I didn’t need this religious thing so much anymore, as I found myself falling away. Why? I had everything-- money, great wife, beautiful children and I was considered an upstanding member of the community.
At this point of my life, I was going against the teachings of my religion, yet life was working out so well for me. How could it be wrong, when everything felt so good and exciting? I felt incredibly alive with this new life. My attendance at church began to dwindle, as I rationalized to myself all the things wrong with the church doctrine and the people.
It’s funny I didn’t criticize the church while I had my life focused on religion, family and work. Even with my newfound discovery of the real me, these religious beliefs still had their hold on me.
My wife and children were still my rock. I needed them, yet this new drug-like sensation gave me a continual excitement. This feeling I got from my behavior with women was getting a stronger hold on me. I could still be a loving husband as long as I got my “fix” by choice, of seeing other women.
Sometimes the old me would say “Knock it off. What are you doing?” Think of the lives you would be destroying if your were found out.” When I felt like this, I would try to go back to my traditional lifestyle and what loyalty to my family was left.
I didn’t realize what was happening to me. I was succumbing to the misleading passions of an invisible drug. It was dangerous, because I was completely unaware of taking it. This drug has no name and I had never heard of it and its long- term effects. All I knew was the state of euphoria I was in and everything seemed to be working. I felt powerful! Existing problems didn’t feel as difficult and life seemed to be on the upswing.
When I tried to stop my new behavior, I would slip back into this drug to get the high again. This helped me to escape the dark, despondent feelings of loneliness and withdrawals as my relief. Another draw back was the guilt I started feeling when I went back to being loyal to Julie. If you can call that loyalty!
Then I asked myself, “Why feel so blue when I can get my fix with just a phone call away?” I was sure it would put me back on top again, feeling strong and happy. Feeling better meant compromising myself, but I felt I couldn’t live without it now. It amazes me how clouded and perverted my thinking became. I rationalized that I could somehow fix it later. Besides, these women were fun- but nothing I would leave home for.
Then one day a beautiful girl walked into my restaurant to interview for a job. . She was lovely without wearing a stitch of make up. I had seen a lot of cute girls, but this girl was different. Brenda was only nineteen and had a sophistication and class that I wasn’t used to. She was friendly, but not especially flirtatious. This girl was special and I felt I had to have her. I said and did everything it took to win her over.
The cost was greater than I ever imagined, when I started this challenge for Brenda. Had I known before I began dabbling in this world of deceit, I would’ve run the other way. Brenda was all consuming and I could not act out the loving husband as I had once been. My wife was as loving as ever but I couldn’t disguise my emotions or my actions and the affair was discovered.
The worst part was seeing the anguish and destruction I caused to my sweet family that I loved so much. I felt so helpless against the passion for this girl. I was hooked now and the only way out meant incredible pain.
I was thrown into despair. I did not want to break up the wonderful family that brought me such inner peace. Yet at the same time, I felt out of control with exciting emotions I had never felt before.
Because these emotions were new, I thought this was a once-in a- lifetime love that I would never again experience, especially with my wife. I never had these powerful feelings for my wife, yet I felt things for her that I would never experience with my new love.
How could this happen to me? I never drank, smoked or took drugs, so I was not an addictive type person, (or so I thought!) But, why then did I feel so miserable and incomplete unless my new love was near? I tried numerous times to break it off, but each time we broke up, it seemed to intensify our love (or was it lust)? This continued until I realized there was no return to the sweet family, I once knew. At times I felt a false sense of thinking, if my wife would only be patient and not push for divorce, maybe I could work my way back to her. As much as she loved me she could not just sit with the pain, caused by my confusion. She had to move on. Within a year of our divorce she found someone more stable and secure. This new relationship gave her everything she needed and she remarried
My life went on with my new love. As exciting and fun as it was, it took a long time to lose the subtle ache I felt after my divorce. I also ended up leaving my religion behind. It’s funny, when I was living my life within the parameters of the church, I didn’t notice all the negative things that I noticed now. It seemed to go hand in hand. The more I succumbed to temptation, the more negativity I found in the church.
Though I didn’t find church exciting, I did miss the more consistency and peace I felt when I attended. But it was too late now. Though people were nice when I did go, I still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. By staying away, I didn’t have to face those feelings.
So here I was in my new life, without my kids everyday or church. I had a sexy girlfriend that pleased me in every way. After awhile we began living together and I was content with the way it was.
About a year into our relationship, I noticed Brenda was getting restless. She was young and had never been married and she wanted to settle down. Living together was not good enough for her, so she started in on” the big take away” (marry me or I’m gone). I knew I wasn’t ready yet and I tried to let her go, but one day without her, felt like an eternity. This had to be love- why else would I be so miserable when she left? I didn’t know it was all part of this invisible drug and its dangerous powers.
Brenda was too grounded and smart to stick around and listen to my excuses for not wanting to get married. So, again, I married with full intention to love, cherish and honor my new bride.
She was very different than my first wife who could run the family and household, but who didn’t have much business sense. Brenda was right in they’re with me, helping with every aspect of the businesses as well as with my personal needs. She was so smart she could figure out anything. At the same time, she could be a bit condescending with her intelligence. We were a good working team. I was the hustler in business and she kept me organized. I was really becoming successful and again felt that I had it all.
However, not too long after my marriage I started feeling attracted to other women. How could this be? I had an excuse with the first marriage, that I had gotten married too young and grew away from my teenage bride. I found the intelligence I had admired in Brenda before we were married was starting to become irritating now. I |
| Recommendations by: Minister M. Parrish |
Sin is deadly. No matter what form it takes, once you stoop to its level, it is very difficult to recover and go back to who and what you were before. Only through Jesus Christ, who is the way and truth and life is recovering possible. As people, we tend to rationalize and be in denial. We do not want to accept and deal with our own humanistic tendencies or admit we are weak creatures and need God in our lives. We think we are all power and all knowing. We really don’t know anything. What is interesting in the story is that he realizes that he is trying to justify his actions and strays away from the church.
The term “drug” is used as something he needs and is an excellent usage of what is happening to him. He has become addicted to the high and continues to use people to fill this void of insecurity with himself. This typical story of how people use and abuse others they care about. In the story above he was doing fine in the beginning and even admits to being a stable and church going person. What happens is that he begins to turn his attention to himself rather than his family, wife, etc. He is consumed with his own desires, passions and fantasies and ends up leaving a lifetime affect on his children and the women he touched and ruined. Even though the stories are true, it is prove that it happens every day in our society. Hopefully, when these stories are printed, they can help both men and women see the ramifications of their actions. It is very easy to get sucked into a relationship, affair, etc. As humans, we all have needs. If the husband/wife are each not giving to one another, each will seek whomever to meet those needs.
Woman need the affectionate side met/listening, talking, cuddling. Men desire the physical side/sexual. Our churches are not dealing with these issues on a regular basis. They would like to assume that everyone’s life is great and there is no trouble in paradise. We all know, that isn’t the case and the problem needs addressed. As the old saying goes, the grass is not always greener on the other side, reminds me of other stories in this book about a housewife losing interest and not being fulfilled by her husband. She is lured away again by her desires, passions, and fantasies.
By her inability to communicate her desire and wishes to her husband, she throws away any opportunity she might have had with him. Once you step over the line, most men or women will not take you back, out of lack of trust. I have seen this so much with couples who get so consumed with raising their children that they don’t take time out for themselves. When they reach the 40’s and the children are usually grown or off to college, who is the person sitting across from me? Most couples do not know who they are and a divorce usually follows. Only a couple who has worked on their marriage consistently down through the years survive and remain committed. I hope these comments have been of benefit to you.
Blessings in your writings,
M. Parrish |
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