Okay people, set your lasers to kill and prepare to delve into the realm of weirdness that is my pysche. I am about to tell you all a story invented by my odd mind and layed down in very small writing inside the pages of my spanish book. It all started when during a particularly boring spanish lesson i decided to see how small its possible for me to write whilst still being legible. I started simply with the words, 'this is very small writing'. I thought to myself that a casual reader of my spanish book might like some sort of explanation and due to there not being a very credible one i wrote 'I dont know quite why, i'm just bored i suppose'. And thats when my pen started writing some odd things that were out of my control. It goes a little something like this.... P.S If you're left with the thought 'where's ben and his groove?', you struggle to understand my logic. Enjoy............. |
This is very small writing so i can write a big load of crap in a small space. I don't know why but i'm just bored i suppose. I think maybe it's because of the global equinox. Or maybe it's due to the alignment of the planets. I'm just gonna keep on writing that's how bored i am. I really don't know what to write. Maybe i should write a novel. Once upon a tim... wait, i just remembered, i'm far to lazy to do anything like that. Oww, my wrist hurts from writing so small. I want a pancake. Does the garage sell pancakes. Maybe i'll get a pie. I like pie. Do they put circus animals in pie? I hope so because then I might get a dodo. I mean girrafe, an egyptian girrafe. do giraffes give milk, because then you could make girrafe cheese. i think that would go well with quails eggs and mayonnaise. Mayonnaise doesn't make good glue. I once tried to glue a cat to a tortoises back with mayonnaise once. I wanted to make an unholy super-being which layed eggs. When i tried to eat one of the eggs it turned out to be a growth that had fallen off the cats tongue. It tasted good but i caught leprosy and had to drink a lot of lucozade before i got better. Someone once told me that there's a lot of lepers in Japan but you never see any on pokemon. Maybe they're not allowed in the cities and have to live off stuff they find dead on the motorways. I bet one couldn't believe his luck when he found a human! I didn't mean to kill the guy but he was just to good at badminton. I like badminton but not as much as pie. Here are the top five pies in my opinion :- 1.Pork 2.Banoffie 3.Apple 4.Blackberry 5.Dodo pie. Dodo pie is very rare because of the special pastry used. it's made from the bark of the dumbarna tree found only in deepest darkest Peru. Sometimes i wish i lived in Peru where life is simpler and people have have six nipples on each shin. One day i'm going to genetically engineer some nipples. I'll keep them in a jar. Just like the one with the frontal lobe of my brain in. That was an interesting operation, they let me watch and everything. It hurt my eyes a little though. It was a sort of stabbing feeling not unlike the time i penetrated my brain through my eyes using knitting needles. it was such a mess and it took me ages to clean the needles. They still smell like my gym socks from that time we had to wade through the river styx to get the javelins back. Stupid satan. He's always messing things up. Do you remember that time he tried to sabotage the olympics? All he managed to do was mildy upset the manager of the croatian curling team. He was asking for it though i suppose. He was so corrupt! He would throw every match with bribes. Everybody accepted them because he it's rude to refuse a priest. Priests freak me out. Kinda like clowns with their crazy hair and make-up. They're really scary. AAAARRRGGH! Just thinking about them scares me. I tend to struggle what with having half of my brain in a jar beside my bed. I need a new bed. It's still broke from that time I tried to distill it into the strongest spirit known to man. It was going to be called death drink due to the millions of cells that you would kill simply by smelling it. It would have worked if only I could have bought that helicopter. I honestly cant understand why the bank wouldn't give me a loan, I even offered my nicest hat as collateral. It had apicture of a shoe on it. A big shoe with three laces that I caught my eye in last time I tried to do them up. I'm alright now, thanks for asking. It was about the same time I sold my 17th novel to the film industry. It was about how some girl called sue got her groove back. Maybe I should publish these musings. I could call it 'How Ben got his groove back'. No that sucks, I'll think of something better. I once bought a book. It was about tropical fish. I am now an expert on the birthing process of guppies. This comes in handy when I'm asked to prepare a lunch for the planetary delegates. They're all big fans of pan-asian cuisine. I prefer thai myself. I like the spices used. Pies are still my favourite food though. Someone should make a cereal that is like loads of little pies. You could have gravy instead of milk. Maybe I could make an animal that gives gravy instead of milk. I hear they have a genetics course running at oxford this year, maybe i should sign up. Oh wait, i'm banned because of that incident with the hedge clippers and that guys canary. It was the canarys fault, he shouldn't have insulted my mothers hat. It was an odd hat though, we tried to take it back but the shop had dissapeared along with the one armed, one legged, one eyed shopkeeper and his three legged cat. Spanish is Booooooring! My wrist really hurts now. I'm gonna have to grow a new one. |
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