MEN Vs. WOMEN who is better? - MEN duhhh! - Comedy & Humor - http://maxpages.com/foxyfun/sexist

Im saying now even though Jane called me sexist that im not i just wanna clear that up but the ones about women are pretty funny

Women

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment? - A mental hospital!!

How many men to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and one to collect the medal.

Man forgives woman anything, save the wit to outwit him.

When woman makes a fool of a man it's usually an improvement.

Q. Why have men made such a mess of this world?
A. They're waiting for women to pick up after them.

The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.

Q. What do you call a man who's lost 95% of his brain?
A. A widower.

Boys will be boys, but one day all girls will be women.

He's the kind of bore who's here today and here tomorrow.

There is no great men. There are only men.

Men

Yesterday scientists in Canada revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? - None, they just sit in the dark and moan!

Why do women have small feet? - So they can get closer to the sink!

So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer -- and be the butt of every joke on the Internet.

How do you get 100 old cows into a shed? - Put a 'Bingo' sign out the front.!!
After getting married the bride and groom jump into a horse driven carriage and bid their families farewell. Ten minutes later the horse suddenly stops causing the newly weds to be thrown forward. The groom calmly jumps out the carriage, walks in front of the horse and shouts:
"THAT’S ONE!!". Then jumps back into the carriage and resumes his journey. Another ten minutes passes and the horse does the same again. The groom jumps out and calmly walks in front of the horse, and shouts:
"THAT’S TWO!!" then hits the horse over the head with a baseball bat. He then jumps back into the carriage and carries on the journey. Another ten minutes later, the horse still not taking the hint suddenly stops, thrusting the unsuspecting newly weds forward once more. Calmly the groom walks in front of the horse and shouts:
"THAT’S THREE!!!" and blows the horses head off with a handgun. Just as he’s about to sit down next to his new wife, she says "That was a bit harsh wasn’t it !!!". Calmly he looks into her eyes and shouts:
"THAT’S ONE!!" ....

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ... pow! ... it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..."

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...
Would you go to lunch or to a movie?

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? - None, let her do the dishes in the dark.

man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea ... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married"
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not", she giggles.
"Great!", he replies, "Get your own DAMN blanket!"

The rest of these i cant be arsed to sort out and there all from micheal thanx :)

Totally tasteless sexist jokes

1 Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
Thay both feel good but you wonder who's been there befor you.

2 What is the cleverest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's cock.
3 Why do woman have periods?
Because thay deserve them.
4 What is the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes silence
5 Why do women sky-divers wear tampons?
So thay don't whistle on the way down.
6 What do you call the useless piece of skin around the pussy?
A woman.
7 If your wife comes out of the kithen nagging what's wrong?
Her chain's to long.
8 Why did the woman cross the road?
Who care's, what's she doing out of the kitchen anyway.
9 Why do they name hurricanes after women?
When thay come it's warm and wet-when thay go thay take your
house and car with them.
10 What's the difference detween your wife and your job?
Your job still suck after five years.
11 Why did the army send so many women with PMT to the gulf war
Thay fought like animals and retaind water for four days.
and the next lot is from micheal 2.

Totallt tastless sexist jokes {Two}

1 Why is a woman like a laxetive?
Becauce thay both irritate the shit out of you.
2 What's worse than a male chauvinist pig
A woman who won't do as she is told.
3 What are the three reasons that anal sex is beter than virginal sex?
It's tighter, it feels good,and it's more degrading to women.
4 What's the differance detween a pussy and a cunt?
A pussy is warm and wonderful,a cunt owns one.
5 What is the only bad thing about a 69?
The view
6 What's the differance between your cock and your pay-cheque?
You don't have to beg a women to blow your pay-cheque.
7 How do you make love to an ugly woman?
Wank into your hand and throw it at her.
8 What's the most active muscle in a woman?
A penis.
9 Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.
10 What are the bumps round a woman's nipples?
Braille for suck here.
11 Why do most women pay more attention to ther looks than improving
there minds?
Some men are stupid.but few are blind.

And yup you geussed it these are from micheal too. :)

Totally tastless sexist jokes{three}

1 How do you stop a woman giveing you a blow job?
Marry the bitch.
2 Why do most men die befor there wives do?
Because they want to.
3 What's the differance between a woman with PMT and a pitbull?
Lipstick.
4 Why can't you trust a woman?
How can you trust anything that bleeds for five days and dosen't
die.
5 Why did god create man first?
Because he did't want a woman looking over his sholder
criticising.
6 Why do some women fake orgasm?
Because they think we'er bothered.
7 How many men does it take to clean a toilet?
NONE-it's a womans job
8 Why is a fat ugly woman like a moped?
There fun to ride but you woldn't want your mates to see you on
one.
9 Why are women like carpets?
If you lay them properly the first time,you can walk all over
them for years.
10 Why do women rub there eyes when thay wake up in the morning?
'Cause thay don't have any balls to scratch.
11 Whitch part of a woman's body do they enjoy having stroked most?
Who cares.

and micheal i think youve got a bit too much free time on your hands:)

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Page Updated Thu May 29, 2003 9:23am EDT