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The Politically Incorrect
Ethnic Joke Book

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ETHNIC JOKES,
OR COARSE JOKES, THEN STOP READING NOW

CONTENTS

Introduction

Aborigine (Boong) Jokes

Jewish Jokes

Scottish Jokes

Irish Jokes

Polish Jokes

Greek Jokes

Italian Jokes

Muslim Jokes

Asian Jokes

Japanese Jokes

Chinese Jokes

Vietnamese Jokes

Ethiopian Jokes

West Indian Jokes

Negro Jokes

Puerto Rican Jokes

Mexican Jokes

Miscellaneous Jokes

Reminder for Contributors

Homosexual Jokes

Stevie Wonder Jokes
Introduction

With the advent of "political correctness" sweeping through all levels of Australian society, the "ethnic joke" has now been designated as "taboo", and is set to become a thing of the past. Of this new set of circumstances, one commentator has said that "The zealots of political correctness are stamping out everything enjoyed by normal everyday Australians. These zealots are the new Wowsers". Nonetheless, these circumstances do exist.

However, the "ethnic joke" is considered to be an important part of the structure of Australian humour, and is part of our oral history. In order to avoid the loss of this aspect of Australian social culture (a loss that so frequently occurs with so much of society's oral history), it has been decided to collect as many "ethnic jokes" as possible, and collate them into one volume.

It is interesting to note the creeping Americanisation of the Australian culture and language; and therefore some readers may observe some American influence in some of the jokes contained herein. Some English influences may also be noted.
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Some of the jokes within this collection may be deemed to be offensive to some people. However, it should be recognised that most jokes, if not all jokes, would be deemed to be offensive to some people. Religious jokes can offend religious people, disabled jokes can offend disabled people, homosexual jokes can offend homosexuals, lawyer jokes can offend lawyers, ethnic jokes can offend ethnics, "dirty" jokes can offend prudish people, death jokes can offend or upset people who have recently lost someone close to them, etc., etc., etc. - the point should be clear.

All jokes have the potential to offend, upset, or annoy someone. Marty Fields, joke-master of the Australasian Post, once said "Let's face it, just about every joke ever told contains something offensive that will get right up the nose of some nit-picking little bureaucratic git sitting in a stuffy office with nothing better to do than spoil everybody else's fun".

Just because jokes offend some people is no case for censorship. Humour, of all varieties, exists for those who enjoy it. Wowsers and those who are "politically correct" should come to terms with this.
.....................................................

If any readers should know of any "ethnic jokes" that do not already appear in the pages of this book, it would be appreciated if they would forward them to the publisher or distributor of this publication for inclusion in a later edition. Indeed, the main purpose of this publication is to enable the widest possible collection of "ethnic jokes" via the later inclusion of readers' contributions.

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ETHNIC JOKES,
OR COARSE JOKES, THEN STOP READING NOW

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ABORIGINE JOKES

Most commonly known as "Abo jokes". However, even the term "Abo" has become "politically incorrect". This is unfortunate, as it is actually legitimate Australian slang. A lot of Australian slang for nouns are an abbreviation of the primary word, usually ending with a suffix of "o" or "ie". For example: Aussie (Australian), chrissie (christmas), pressie (present), blowie (blow fly), relo (relative), compo (compensation); Thommo (Thomas or Thompson), Abo (Aborigine), refo (refugee), smoko (smoke break), etc.

Characteristics of Aborigines in jokes: Portrayed as lazy, dirty, ugly, alcoholic; sometimes as thieves, dumb.

Q: What do you call an Abo in an orange VW?
A: A Jaffa.

Q: What do you call an Abo in a Rolls Royce?
A: A thief.

Q: What do you call an Abo in a suit?
A: The defendant.

Q: What do you call an Abo with a gun?
A: Sir.

Q: What do you call an Abo who does well in a an IQ test?"
A: A cheat.

Q: What do you call 50 Abos rolling down a hill?
A: An Abolanche.

Q: Did you hear about the two Abos who appeared on the TV show "That's Incredible"?
A: One didn't drink and the other had a job.

Q: What did Jesus say on the cross to the Abos?
A: "Don't do anything until I come back."

Q: What do you get if you cross a New Zealander with an Abo?
A: Someone who's too lazy to steal.

Q: What are the four most difficult years for an Abo?
A: Grade Six.

Q: What's two miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: An Aboriginal Land Rights protest march.

Q: What's black & brown, and looks good on an Abo?
A: A doberman.

Q: How do you stop an Abo from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What do you do if you see an Abo drowning?
A: Throw him his wife and kids.

Q: What do you call it when a bus-load of Abos runs off the end of Darwin pier, and they all drown?
A: A good start.

Q: Why do Abos smell so awful?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: How do you kill an Abo?
A: While he's having a drink, slam the toilet lid down on his head.

Q: Why do Abos always hang around in groups?
A: So that they can form a dope ring.

Q: Why are Abos called "Boongs"?
A: Because that's the sound they make as they bounce off your truck's bull-bar.

Q: What's the difference between an accident scene where a truck has killed a kangaroo, and an accident scene where a truck has killed an Abo?
A: There's skid marks in front of the kangaroo.

Q: How many Abos does it take to eat a kangaroo?
A: Three. One to eat the kangaroo, and two to watch for trucks.

Q: What's transparent and lies in the gutter?
A: An Abo with the shit kicked out of him.

Q: What's the difference between a woman driving a Volvo, and a woman putting her hand down the front of an Abo man's trousers?
A: She feels more of a dick driving a Volvo.

Q: What's the difference between an Abo and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Q: What's an Aboriginal vibrator?
A: Eight blowflies in a sherry bottle.

Q: How do you get an Abo woman pregnant?
A: Just come in the gutter and let the blowflies do the rest.

Q: Why do Abo women eat with their legs open?
A: To keep the flies off their food.

Q: What's the difference between an Abo girl from Arnhem land, and rubbish in the street?
A: Sometimes rubbish gets picked up.

Q: What do you call a pretty girl in Arnhem Land?
A: A tourist.

Two Abos appear at the Pearly Gates, asking to be let in. Saint Peter says "No way, we don't let Abos in here". The Abos plead, telling him how they've been good Christians all their lives, and deserve to go to heaven. So, Saint Peter tells them he'll check with God, and off he goes to see Him.
God thinks it over for a while and then says "Well, we don't really want any Abos in here, but the rules say that we've got to admit them if they've been good Christians, so you'd better let them in".
Peter goes off, then comes running back 2 minutes later: "God, God, they've gone, they've gone!".
"What? The Abos have gone?".
"No, the Pearly Gates!!!"

An Abo finds an old brass bottle in his back yard, gives it a rub, and a genie appears. The genie tells him he can have three wishes.
"I wanna be rich" says the Abo.
"BANG": the back yard fills up with huge chests overflowing with gold coins and jewels.
"I'm no fool" says the Abo, "I wanna be White".
"BANG": he's changed, suddenly he's White, blond-haired and blue-eyed.
"Thirdly, I never want to work another day in my life".
"BANG": he's black again.

I wouldn't like to say that Abos have a hygiene problem, but if you look carefully at the picture on the reverse side of the $2 coin, you can see the flies buzzing around the Abo's head.

A Jew, an Irishman, and a Abo all died on the same day and went to heaven, where they were greeted by Saint Peter. "Good to see you guys, said Saint Peter. "One quick quiz and I'll be able to formally admit you to heaven."
"Just a sec," said the Jew. "Being a Jew, I've had it rough all my life and I'd like to know if I can expect any religious persecution in heaven."
"Certainly not," said Saint Peter. "Spell God."
The Jew does this correctly, and is let in.
"Well, now," says the Irishman, "being Irish, I've been treated terribly, and I'd like to make sure I'm not going to encounter any more of that sort of stuff."
"No way," said Saint Peter. "Spell Jesus."
The Irishman does this correctly, and is let in.
"Saint Peter," said the Abo, "as you can see, I'm black, and I've had to endure a lot of discrimination in my life. Can I expect any more of that in heaven?"
"Of course not," said Saint Peter. "Spell chrysanthemum."

An Abo falls off the edge of Ayers Rock. On the way down, he just manages to grab hold of a bush to save himself.
As he's hanging there, wondering what to do, a great loud voice booms down from the heavens.
"This is God speaking" says the great voice.
"Yes, God?" says the Abo.
"Do you want me to help you?"
"Yes, please, God."
"Do you believe in me?"
"Yes, God"
"Then let go of the bush, and everything will be alright"
The Abo lets go of the bush, and plunges to the ground below. Splat!
The great voice booms down again: "Can't stand those black bastards!"

Three men are in a jail cell, discussing their crimes.
The first man asks the second man, "What are you in here for?".
Second man says "Armed robbery".
"What did you get?"
"12 years".
First man to third man, "What are you in for?"
"Murder".
"What did you get?"
"20 years".
Third man then asks the first man, "And what are you in for?"
"Burning Abos with petrol".
"What did you get?"
"Eight to the gallon".

A Jew, a Hindu, and an Abo were travelling together, and as night fell they came to a little country inn. The innkeeper explained apologetically that only two beds were available in the inn but that he would be glad to make up a comfortable cot for the third man in the barn. So the three travellers drew straws, and it fell upon the Jew to sleep in the barn.
Just a few minutes later there was a knock on the door, to which the innkeeper responded. "I'm so sorry," explained the Jew, "but there is a pig in the barn, and my religion forbids me to sleep under the same roof as a pig."
The Hindu had taken the next shortest straw, and so out he went. In a few minutes, though, there was another knock, and the innkeeper opened the door on the Indian fellow. Apologising, the Hindu explained that his religious persuasion forbade him to share shelter with a cow, and there was indeed such a creature in the barn.
Finally, out went the Abo to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there was yet another knock on the door, which the innkeeper answered. And there on the doorstep stood the pig and the cow.

A garbage truck stops outside a ramshackle old house in Redfern.
The garbo yells out to the old Abo sitting on the front step: "Hey, where's your bin?"
Abo answers "I've bin in Queensland".
Garbo: "No, where's your wheelie bin".
Abo: "Well, I've weally bin in jail for the last two weeks, but don't tell anyone".

Truck driver doing the long haul from Melbourne to Perth. Sees three Abos ahead on the road. Thinks "Bewdy", puts his foot flat down on the accelerator, speeds down the road, hits them all.
One Abo gets knocked into a nearby paddock; one gets smashed through the truck's windscreen; the other lands 100 yards down the road, gets up and runs away.
Just then a cop car pulls up. "Oh, no!!" thinks the truckie. Cop asks truckie what happened, truckie thinks he'd better "come clean", so tells him the truth.
"No worries" says the cop, "we'll charge the first Abo with trespass, the second with break and enter, and the third with leaving the scene of an accident".

On his way back the same truckie picks up a hitchhiker. After a while the hitchhiker says he's tired and lays down in the truck's "sleeper" compartment for a rest.
A while later the hitchhiker is woken up by the noise of the truck running over something: "BASH!, BASH!, BASH!".
"What's all the racket?" he asks the driver.
"Oh, I just hit an Abo".
"But what was all that other noise?".
"Well, I had to go over two fences to get the bastard".

On yet another journey, the truckie gives a lift to a priest. Later, as he's barrelling down the road, he sees an Abo ahead, he plants the foot down, and speeds towards him. At the last moment he remembers he's got the priest on board, and swerves, just missing the Abo.
"I'm terribly sorry about that, Father".
"That's OK, my son, I got him with the door".

Fred sees an old Abo walking down the road, apparently oblivious to the fact that he's wearing only one thong.
"Hey, Jackie" calls out Fred, "You've lost a thong!".
"Nah, mate" says the old Abo, "I've just found one".

Fred: "There's only one thing worse than bigots".
Jim: "What's that?.
Fred: "Abos!".

Fred: "Two Abos are standing on top of a five-storey building, a fat one weighing 20 stone and a skinny one weighing 8 stone, and they both jump off at the same time - who hits the ground first?".
Jim: "I don't know. What's the answer?".
Fred: "Who cares?".

Three men - an Australian, a Jew, and an Abo - are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Saint Peter, who prepares to let them into Heaven.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually, Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they each pay him $500.
The Aussie pays his $500 straight away, and BANG!!, he's back in the same street he had just left. Immediately, he goes into the nearest pub, and tells all of his mates his amazing story.
Of course, they don't believe him. "So," asks one mate, "if all this is true, then where's the Jew and the Abo?".
"Well," says the Aussie, "when I left them, the Jew had him down to $100, and the Abo was arguing that the government should pay for it".

A man was bumping over an excuse for a road in his four-wheel-drive, way out past the Black Stump, when he saw an Abo carrying two sheets of corrugated iron and a carton of stubbies.
He stopped to give him a lift, and the Abo chucked the two sheets of corrugated iron and the carton of stubbies in the back of the ute and hopped in beside the driver.
"What the hell are you doing, wandering around the outback with two sheets of corrugated iron and a carton of stubbies?" the driver asked.
"The wife kicked me out," the Abo explained. "We had a court case. She got the kids, and I got the house and contents."

If someone doesn't like to hear Abo jokes being told, it's probably because they're "dark" on the idea.

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JEWISH JOKES

Characteristics of Jews in jokes: Portrayed as money-grabbing, stingy, sly and untrustworthy in monetary matters.

Q: How can you tell a Jewish house?
A: Toilet paper on the washing line.

Q: What's another way you can you tell a Jewish house?
A: Padlocks on the rubbish bins.

Q: How can you tell a Jewish house at Christmas?
A: Parking meter on the roof.

Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
A: He comes down the chimney and says "Hi kids! You want to buy some presents?"

Q: Why do New Yorkers have glass rubbish bins?
A: So the Jews can go "window shopping".

Q: How was the Grand Canyon formed?
A: Someone dropped 20 cents down a rabbit hole at a Jewish Convention.

Q: Why do Jewish wives keep their old bras?
A: So they can make Yarmulkes for their husbands.
(For those that don't know, Yarmulkes are those funny little caps that Jews wear on their heads).

Q: What's the difference between pizzas and Jews?
A: Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

Q: Why are Yankee dollars green?
A: Because the Jews pick them before they're ripe.

Q: Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
A: Because someone dropped a twenty-cent piece.

Q: Why do Jews have such big noses?
A: Because air is free.

Q: What happens when a Jew with a full erection walks into a wall?
A: He breaks his nose.

Q: What's a Jewish dilemma?
A: Free ham.

Q: What's the definition of a queer Jew?
A: A Jew who likes girls more than money.

Q: Did you know that the limbo was invented by the Jews?
A: Yeah, it was from sneaking into pay toilets.

Q: Why do Jewish wives use gold diaphragms?
A: Their husbands like coming into money.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Jew with a Gypsy?
A: A chain of empty retail stores.

Q: What's the difference between karate and judo?
A: Karate is a form of self-defence, and judo is what bagels are made out of (Jew dough).

Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish?
A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father's business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin.

Q: Did you hear about the time when Marilyn Monroe slept the night on the steps outside the Hollywood synagogue?
A: She woke up in the morning with a heavy dew (Jew) on top of her.

Q: What does an Jewish American Princess (JAP) make for lunch?
A: Reservations.

Q: How do you know when a Jewish American Princess has had an orgasm?
A: She drops her nail file.

Q: How do you stop a Jewish girl from fucking you?
A: Marry her.

Q: What's the definition of Jewish foreplay?
A: Two hours of begging.

Q: How do you tickle a JAP?
A: Gucci, Gucci, Goo.

Q: What's the difference between a Jewish American Princess and poverty?
A: Poverty sucks.

Q: What do you get when you cross a JAP with a prostitute?
A: Someone who sucks credit cards.

How does a JAP eat a banana? (This is a visual joke, so pay attention).
Pretend you are holding a banana in your right hand. With left hand; peel off the three or four strips of banana peel about halfway down the banana. Continuing to hold peeled banana in right hand, place left hand behind head. Force head down over banana.

Q: Why do JAPs wear bikinis?
A: To separate the meat from the fish.

Q: How many JAPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to call Daddy, and one to get out the Diet Pepsi.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "None, dahling, I'll sit in the dark..."

Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?
When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

Did you hear about the tramp who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, - I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself" she replied.

Q: How do you say "fuck you" in Jewish?
A: "Trust me!"

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse".
"Ssh!" hisses the other, "It's not till next week".

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?".
"Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week."
"So, Morrie," whispers Abraham "How do you start a flood?".

SAME AS BLONDE JOKES I REGRET I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ROOM SORRY IF YOU WOULD LIKE THE COMPLETE SET gothboy@weirdmotherfucker.com & I'll email you them. But ask nicely nad use your manners!

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